Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
