Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
