I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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