You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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