Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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