If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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