planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
