Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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