listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
