the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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