i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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