Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
