Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
