This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
