yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A bitchslap is in order.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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