I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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