I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
