I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
