In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
