WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Are my feet made of real feet?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
