Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
