This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
