Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
