She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
