whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
