Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
