I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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