yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
