This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
