help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
