I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
