I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
