If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
