I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My bed smells like the plague
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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