So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
