dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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