this beer tastes like vomit already
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
