I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
