When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
