She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
