Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this boner is exhausting
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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