Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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