First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
