My first STD was from a foam party
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
