You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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