420 ftw
My first STD was from a foam party
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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