You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
