We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
