my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize