he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
