Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
zippers are such a cool invention
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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