She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize