ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
