Kiss
Puke
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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