I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
