Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
