he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
