people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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