we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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