just come out here and I will go home with you...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
