I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
