Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
