jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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