If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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