I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
