Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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