she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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