He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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