I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
