i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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