I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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