The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
