"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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