I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
