So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
