Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
