just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
