New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
