I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize