There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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