Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
