an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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