She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize