Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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