How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
