I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
