Please, let me fuck your mom
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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