I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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