It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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