I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
