I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
