we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
