I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
